Missionaries say A LOT of goodbyes. To short-term mission teams who move in and out of the ministry. To friends and family who visit for a week or two. To summer interns. To nationals who move on. To fellow teammates who leave the field permanently or for weeks or months of furlough.

When every hello seems to precede an eventual goodbye, whether days, weeks, months, or years down the line, it would be easy to build walls around my heart. To distance myself emotionally by not saying a sincere, warm-hearted hello in the first place.

In slightly less than two years on the field, we’ve already said several goodbyes. And our hearts deeply felt them. In time, it could become more difficult to enter into authentic relationships with new folks for fear of saying a painful goodbye some day. We’ve also been on the receiving end of less-than-full-hearted hellos. We’ve felt the superficiality of some who seem resistant to going deeper in relationship.

Our pastor friend always says that two competing emotions generally drive human action— fear or love. Unhealthy fear is debilitating, while love is life-giving.

As we navigate relationships on the field, we can allow fear to erect emotional barriers between us and others, especially fear of losing someone we may grow to love. But not just fear of saying goodbye. Also fear of being transparent and receiving in return rejection, falseness, or guardedness. Fear of being misunderstood or maligned. Fear of not being known, so we don’t even try.

Or we can choose love. We can choose to lay our hearts on the line, regardless of what we may receive or eventually lose. We can genuinely get to know newbies because we were once in that category and felt the loneliness of being in a new culture with new people and a new home. We can choose to be transparent, to be known, with select friends who demonstrate that they can handle who we are (and love us anyway!). Regardless of whether they stay or go.

It’s not an easy choice. Yet we have the assurance that we can entrust our hearts fully to One who honors them, who protects our hearts even through the pain of loss. With this assurance, we can make the difficult choice to be vulnerable—to fully love and be loved well, regardless of the outcome.

We’ve attended many farewell ceremonies given by our Kenyan friends to visitors who minister alongside them for a brief time. The hallmark of these ceremonies is love, demonstrated in expressions of gratitude and rejoicing (like moving speeches, dancing together, and feeding each other cake). It’s not a time to grieve those who are departing. Rather, it’s a celebration of relationship, honoring the sacrifice made on both sides to give love and receive it.

Learning to love well is what we’re called to do. When we pursue that calling to the best of our ability, even goodbye is cause for celebration.